Swatch Dogs and Diet Coke-Heads - No really -- piss in the oven.

I knew they were eating the poison because the poison bins were emptying at an alarming rate and the newer poops I found were all bright green – coincidentally the exact color of the poison. Seeing the poison disappear and finding the green poops gave me a good week to reflect on the fact that I was slooow-ly killing them. I found the first (and only) body the next day in front of my stove. It seems he died en route to the rice bin.

I am pretty sure that the first mouse I saw was white and this guy was definitely grey. Since I haven’t seen any other bodies since I guess I can rest easy knowing that there is at least one mouse rotting in the walls of this apartment building somewhere…

Anyway, a friend and I had planned on going to the movies this evening and I had recommended that he come over early so we could exchange gifts, catch up and talk about cat macros or whatever. I thought I would unleash my mad-crazy x-mas elf skilz and make cookies. NOTHING FANCY – just tollhouse tube cookies. (An important fact to note here is that I don’t use my oven that often.)

So I turn on the stove to preheat while we are exchanging gifts and after a few minutes … I smell something odd and find myself transported back in time to my room when I was 12. I am cleaning my pet rat’s (name: Mao Zedong -- like it matters) cage and bitching about the (oddly strong and distinct) smell of rodent piss to no one in particular. Yes, rodent piss – that is exactly what I was smelling. So it would seem that before kicking off, my little mouse buddy was sure to use my stove as his fucking private urinal. Nice.

GODDAMMIT.

I feel less remorse now. I suppose if I caught on that my housemate was slowly poisoning me I might piss in the oven too … ?

NEWAYZ, I have tried everything I can think of to take the stove apart but where ever he pissed is seemingly unaccessible; therefore, I will have to call the landlord. Maybe I will get a whole new stove – who knows. Tomorrow after work I will try again to take care of it myself but I am very skeptical. Whatever the outcome, I imagine I will be inconvenienced in one way or another.

Unfortunately, we didn’t get to see the movie either. Who would have guessed that “Black Christmas” would sell out on Christmas!? I mean, what are the odds? Honestly, I think I might have been more excited about getting a Pepsi than seeing the movie. You see, I gave up regularly drinking soda a few months ago and now I invent reasons why I get to have the occasional Pepsi.

“It’s Christmas and I am going to see a movie – Yay Pepsi!”

See how it works?

Blah, blah. Here are some awesome movies I did see recently:

- Heavenly Creatures
- Lessons of Darkness
- Grizzly Man

If it weren't 12:30AM I would review them or at least provide links to reviews...

PS: Thankfully, the bad art squad appears to have given up trying to convert me to a life of mediocrity.