Swatch Dogs and Diet Coke-Heads

Slash THIS!

2007-11-07T06:52:04Z

Hey everyone,

Contrary to popular opinion, I am not dead and to prove it I started a Sufjan Stevens Slash Community!

Tamagothchi Slash Fiction!? But ... that was so 2006!

2007-04-22T08:11:20Z

Hey y'all, there is some new Rob Lowe/Handi-capable Golf Pro themes tamaslash right here!!!

swatch_dogs @ 2007-03-02T22:20:00

2007-03-03T03:24:13Z

I compiled these links earlier for someone specific and then thought I might as well just post them here too:

Merzbow performing LIVE in Korea.

Noise rock? Yes, please.

Xiu Xiu
performing I Luv the Valley OH! LIVE at SXSW.

Kinda math rockish, but cool.

Dean and Britta performing The Sun Is Still Sunny.

Side project of Dean Wareham (singer from Galaxie 500) and
Britta Phillips (bassist from Luna). Incidentally, Britta Phillips
provided the vocals for Jem of Jem and the Holograms
. Obviously, she was destined for indie rock stardom and thank
heavens she is actually talented. In this clip you can see them a
little better.

Sufjan Stevens performing The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades LIVE in Indianapolis.

I guess I like this guy. (He used to play banjo for those crazy Christian rockers known as the
Danileson Famile
if that rings a bell.) I am mostly adding him to the list because this
is what the kids are listening to these days. I (blame?) Sufjan Stevens
for the fact that I am suddenly being subjected to a pile of half-assed
folk/roots music lately. Don't get me wrong now, I am a total
folk/roots music fan, it's just that after all the "folk music" shows I
have been to here I am left unconvinced that this-or-that 21 year old
student really knows all that much about the seafaring life -- or
life in general, for that matter.

Little Miss Sunshine is the new Garden State!

2007-02-04T08:19:20Z

Yeah.

Well, I finally saw LMS. It was OK I guess but I just kept thinking that it was like someone made that video 'No Rain' by Blind Melon into a feature-length movie...

Colin Farrell on Bruce Willis

2007-01-21T07:03:06Z

I hate to be THAT GUY but ...

2007-01-12T04:21:07Z

I LOVE MY iPOD! Seriously.

Not only have I loaded all my phat beatz onto my new friend but I have also added all the episodes of 'Metalocalypse' and one movie -- 'Un Chien Andalou'. A film so cool that the Pixies wrote a song about it.

I hope you are all well and enjoying February.

Regards,

Swatch Dogs

She done "crumped" herself to death.

2007-01-01T05:10:09Z

You just might find that you get what you need.

2006-12-27T05:09:19Z

I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but most of my life lessons come from rock and roll. For example, I have learned from the Rolling Stones that “you can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes well you just might find that get what you need.”

What could be more true!?

Like this evening -- I spent two hours cleaning rat shit and piss out from behind my stove. And you know what? THAT is exactly what I needed – it wasn’t what I wanted* – but it was what I needed. Sure it was disgusting and I definitely dry heaved a couple times here and there but ultimately I learned the lesson that I needed to learn -- or at least was reminded of something that I temporarily forgot.

Why did I need to clean up mouse shit and piss from behind my stove? Because I forgot those little parts of the golden rule that reads something like:

If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.
And

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

I forgot that and, as the universe tends to do, it kept me in check by giving me a nice fair share of piss and shit to dig around in for a while to remind me. Did I mean the things I said? YES. Do I stand by what I said? YES. But is it really my place to make a concerted attempt to drop-kick a total stranger out of their comfortable den of mediocrity – even if I didn’t swing first? Probably not.

But on the bright side my stove is cleaner than it has ever been, I reckon.

Regards,

Swatch Dog

*I want a new computer.

No really -- piss in the oven.

2006-12-26T05:29:59Z

ovens!
Originally uploaded by onwardintoforever.

I can’t remember if I updated teh interwebz about the mouse I saw in my kitchen or not. Anyway, if I did and you read about it already … I guess stop reading now.

Synopsis: The poison worked; now I smell piss.

I knew they were eating the poison because the poison bins were emptying at an alarming rate and the newer poops I found were all bright green – coincidentally the exact color of the poison. Seeing the poison disappear and finding the green poops gave me a good week to reflect on the fact that I was slooow-ly killing them. I found the first (and only) body the next day in front of my stove. It seems he died en route to the rice bin.

I am pretty sure that the first mouse I saw was white and this guy was definitely grey. Since I haven’t seen any other bodies since I guess I can rest easy knowing that there is at least one mouse rotting in the walls of this apartment building somewhere…

Anyway, a friend and I had planned on going to the movies this evening and I had recommended that he come over early so we could exchange gifts, catch up and talk about cat macros or whatever. I thought I would unleash my mad-crazy x-mas elf skilz and make cookies. NOTHING FANCY – just tollhouse tube cookies. (An important fact to note here is that I don’t use my oven that often.)

So I turn on the stove to preheat while we are exchanging gifts and after a few minutes … I smell something odd and find myself transported back in time to my room when I was 12. I am cleaning my pet rat’s (name: Mao Zedong -- like it matters) cage and bitching about the (oddly strong and distinct) smell of rodent piss to no one in particular. Yes, rodent piss – that is exactly what I was smelling. So it would seem that before kicking off, my little mouse buddy was sure to use my stove as his fucking private urinal. Nice.

GODDAMMIT.

I feel less remorse now. I suppose if I caught on that my housemate was slowly poisoning me I might piss in the oven too … ?

NEWAYZ, I have tried everything I can think of to take the stove apart but where ever he pissed is seemingly unaccessible; therefore, I will have to call the landlord. Maybe I will get a whole new stove – who knows. Tomorrow after work I will try again to take care of it myself but I am very skeptical. Whatever the outcome, I imagine I will be inconvenienced in one way or another.

Unfortunately, we didn’t get to see the movie either. Who would have guessed that “Black Christmas” would sell out on Christmas!? I mean, what are the odds? Honestly, I think I might have been more excited about getting a Pepsi than seeing the movie. You see, I gave up regularly drinking soda a few months ago and now I invent reasons why I get to have the occasional Pepsi.

“It’s Christmas and I am going to see a movie – Yay Pepsi!”

See how it works?

Blah, blah. Here are some awesome movies I did see recently:

- Heavenly Creatures
- Lessons of Darkness
- Grizzly Man

If it weren't 12:30AM I would review them or at least provide links to reviews...

PS: Thankfully, the bad art squad appears to have given up trying to convert me to a life of mediocrity.

Speaking of abject horror...

2006-12-23T20:32:42Z

Transmissions from Planet Rob

2006-12-16T12:36:37Z

shorthand in the sky? No1
Originally uploaded by algo.

Ever since a portrait of Rob Lowe spontaneously flew off a wall and hit me in Lower Manhattan, I have known that it is him who has been sending me secret messages. His succinct and all-knowing missives come in code form and have been appearing most recently as those login picture codes. (The ones that prove we are not robots?)

Here are Rob's most recent transmissions and my corresponding answers:

1) YUSUKBD

Answer: Whatever Rob, I have a gag-reflex, OK?

and

2) RU4DVR2

Answer: I burn a DVD now and then, Rob.